Thursday, 16 August 2012

From The British Press: An Open Letter To Julian Assange.

OK Julian, we've had enough of standing around doorways waiting for you to appear. Street corners can be cold and miserable places to be, especially in the rain. So please do us all a big favour and make your escape plan... Now.

Being basically locked up in the Ecuadorian Embassy has got to be getting a tad tiresome now, for you and for the press so i have hatched, during my lunch break, an in depth daring escape plan for your perusal. This is for your benefit to...

A: Escape.

B: Give us press types something to speculate on, whilst waiting outside.

I have written a book on this very subject...

 I have come up with / shamelessly ripped off movie plots, to aid in your escape from the clutches of William Hague and the British Government, the Swedish Government and a good old waterboarding session from the CIA.

Escape plan 1: Build a glider entirely from toilet rolls in the loft space.

Escape plan 2: Using a spoon, dig a tunnel to the underground, whilst cleverly hiding the soil in the pot plants and window boxes of the embassy.

Escape plan 3: Build a jet pack, James Bond stylee. This would enhance your international man of mystery persona and give us outside something totally newsworthy to film. ( I would really... REALLY, like to see this )

Escape plan 4: Burst out of the front doors on a scrambler motorbike and head for the wire at the border. Except that the border will be quite watery. ( I Haven't thought that one through yet...)

Escape plan 5: Disguise yourself as an Ecuadorian wind flute player, with blanket and large hat / moustache, and walk shamelessly out of the door. Or is that Peruvian..? Dunno...

The above is a five point plan of escape for you to ponder over the next few days. I came up with them in the space of five whole minutes, so i'm sure you and the embassador can come up with a few more over the coming days.

But please Julian, i beg you, give us press types something to film / photograph / write about / speculate on. We've got nothing out here....

Paul Martin is @ukcameraman on Twitter.