Wednesday, 23 April 2014

TV Cameraman Required: Must be able to AP, DP and Series Direct A Fact Ent Ob Doc ASAP.

Before I start, I have nothing whatsoever against @mediaparents a fine organisation posting jobs and discussion for working media parents, and we all want jobs don't we..? Why yes, yes we do.

Confused as to whether he should AP, DP or Series Direct, ukcameraman went to the pub...

I am however getting more and more confused and befuddled about what it is I should call myself and if I have the requisite qualifications to apply. Having perused the interwebs and Twitter this morning, I came across the following three job postings in quick succession...

TWEET: @mediaparents: Several shooting PDs needed ASAP till september! Location shooting through summer in gardens!

Shooting PD. Hmm, I can shoot, but can i P..? Or indeed do I have the relevant experience to D..? I dunno. Do you..? What I do know is that if you are shooting and PD'ing through the Summer in a garden in the UK you are going to get piss wet through... Get some good waterproofs. Also, several PD's..? That's going to cause a lot of friction in the P'ing department and serious creative differences in the D'ing, and they want it ASAP.

Here's another...

TWEET: @mediaparents: experienced Series Directors who can shoot on 305 with fact ent experience please check this out!

Again, I can shoot, but on a 305..? There are so many camera variables out there, but I think I could work it out given an hour or two's practice and read through the 6 books of camera internal menu instructions. I don't think I would have time however, as they want me to shoot AND series direct at the same time. No PD'ing required. Also, as a news cameraman, 'fact' I can do standing on my head, but 'fact' is generally not 'Ent,' and 'Ent' is generally not 'fact.' See Channel 5.

Then came this...

TWEET: @mediaparents: Any APs possibly who can shoot able to work out of Brighton starting next week? Ob Doc experience please

Wow..! Yes, I can (possibly) shoot. But now they want me to AP all over the place as well as shoot the bloody thing. Can I not PD it..? Or series direct it..? Surely the AP'ing is similar to the PD'ing and series directing..? And who's going for the coffee and sandwiches..? I also like to Ob, but Ob'ing generally gets in the way of good Doc'ing and vice-versa. The working 'out of Brighton' bit also appeals, as everyone likes to work out of Brighton because the parking is a bitch.

If I were to ever get one of these jobs, what would happen if I lapsed into my old AP'ing habits when I should be PD'ing..? God forbid I should start to PD when I should be series directing, because as the series director, I would have to sack myself for PD'ing. Maybe the AP would get the blame when it all goes tits up... hang on, that's me too... but then who the hell would shoot..? Heaven help me if i should ever get ideas of grandeur and begin to DoP.

As a result of the above, I am now advertising myself as follows:

WORK WANTED: Shooting APPD Series Director. (Non DoP) Fact Ent Ob Doc preferred. Likes to work in Gardens out of Brighton on a 305. (Summer only) Can start next week. Waterproofs owner / Operator. Possibly.

That should get the work pouring in... Until then, i am still available as a cameraman.

Paul Martin is @ukcameraman on Twitter.