Wednesday, 16 May 2012

From The Horses Mouth: Raisa, The Chipping Norton Set, And Me..

In the bright lights of London, much has been said and written about the Leveson Enquiry. Phone hacking, illegal payments to the Police, borrowed horses and dodgy journalism.

But it's not often that a local, provincial TV News Cameraman gets the scoop instead of the reporter. Having been dispatched to the wilds of the Surrey countryside yesterday, i found myself in the company of a few old nags in an RSPCA horse rescue centre. Whilst covering an entirely unrelated story, i was approached by one particularly friendly horse i shall call 'Thunder', (Not her real name.) who told me a story about corruption, hacking, politicians and a global media empire.

PSST...! Are you from the news...? I've got a cracker of a story.

Now let's not think about the fact that i just met a talking horse, (*1) and the fact that it was up to date on the phone hacking story and the Leveson Enquiry. Those facts are mere sideshows. For it emerged in conversation that Thunder had in her possession a number of documents and diary entries from a close friend of hers called Raisa, a retired Metropolitan Police horse, whom she met and befriended at numerous grooming sessions on country estates.

Spilling the beans... An interview with 'Thunder'.

 The documents were entrusted to Thunder by Raisa, on the understanding that what they contained could be explosive if brought into the public eye, and could never be released, unless something dubious happened to her, or if she were to just... disappear. On hearing the sad news of Raisa's death, Thunder has decided to release the documents, and has entrusted them to me for safe keeping.(*2)

For the sake of public interest, i have decided to publish a narrow selection of Raisa's diary entries, in the hope of clearing up a little of the confusion surrounding the time she spent in Chipping Norton following her retirement from the Metropolitan Police Mounted Division. Here are my findings thus far...

7 Jan 2008 London.

Looking forward to my retirement party next week. Going to have balloons and everything. Must dash... Chelsea are at home, heads to crack... Busy busy busy..!! 

14 Jan 2008 London.

Woke with a thick head this morning. Party was ace. Pete, my Police stable boy, tells me i'm off to Oxfordshire. Apparently the Chief Super has done a deal with an old mate of his. He tells me there will be plenty of hacking... We shall see.

15 Jan 2008 Chipping Norton.

Wow..! Really landed on my feet here. Dead posh. Plenty of scope for a good hack with my new owner Rebekah and her chums. Her husband Charlie called me an old knacker. ( I don't like him. ) Saw some old bloke called Clarkson on a quad bike in the next field shooting foxes... a bit mad i think.

28 Feb 2008 Chipping Norton.

Some posh bloke called Dave arrived this morning. Him and Rebekah spoke all morning about hacking but they never took me out. He said he wanted none of it... Went to bed... No dinner.

(P.S. Rebekah was on the phone all night to a man called Rupert. She said Dave was impotent... I think she meant important. )

30 March 2008 Chipping Norton.

My coat is becoming matted. Don't get groomed often any more. Missing the thrill of London and shitting on the streets. The days of cracking heads with the boys are long gone.

20 April 2008 Chipping Norton.

Finally..! Dave visits again and Charlie takes us out for a hack. Dave climbs aboard and off we go. I think i shall call him BIG Dave from now on... if you know what i mean..! They chatted for hours about Eton and the old days. Much laughter and sniggering about poor people and a bloke called George.


They say that the truth is stranger than fiction... This is pure fiction.

Having read(*3) the rest of the diaries, i can indeed attest to the explosiveness of their contents. I may reveal more from time to time. Should the Leveson enquiry call me for evidence, i shall of course fail to remember any such meeting with 'Thunder' and the whereabouts of the Diary, and this blog post will be deleted, to be found again by the officers of Operation Weeting. I will probably end up in prison, and my press card revoked.
(*1) I am making this whole thing up.

(*2) For Sale to the highest bidder.

(*3) Wrote

Paul Martin is @ukcameraman on Twitter.