Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Top Gear Trials Coin Operated TV Cameraman.

I thought things were getting a little too serious around here, what with all the Tabloid bashing, Unemployment figures and flak jackets, so here we are with more TV Cameraman related buffoonery.

Check for blockages before inserting payment... Pic courtesy @JeremyClarkson

It would seem that over at the Top Gear studios, they have replaced one of their fine cameramen with a newer, upgraded trial version cameraman. Still in the research and development phase, this cameraman is coin operated. Sources close to the Top Gear team have sent me the above picture which makes it glaringly obvious where to pop the coins in order to get some footage.

As you can see, the £80.000.59p model T5987x Broadcast Cameraman (HD Camera Included) is fresh out of the bubble wrap, having been delivered by first class courier. The instructions, after inserting 4xAA batteries, are as follows:

2p gets the cameraman to stand up and switch the camera on. 5p gets him to focus, 10p gets the correct exposure. From here on in, things tend to get expensive. walking and talking shots are £1.00 per minute with a 10p top up every few seconds if the clouds move and the sun appears, which means a re white balance and iris ring adjustments on the fly.

Filming of the show i am told, is regularly interrupted due to slot problems, which needs regular maintenance due to the build up of fluff, tyre rubber, coin blockages and cigarette ends. Due to his small hands Richard Hammond is the ideal choice for the job. Boffins have told Jeremy Clarkson that on no account is he to hit the slot with a hammer to force the coins home.

The premium version cameraman comes with an innovative feature... Should filters be needed, changes of lenses or camera internal menu settings need accessing, then payment is made by tightly rolling up a £10.00 note and inserting it into the.... Well, you get the idea.

The other normal cameramen on Top Gear are apparently still kept happy with payments of regular tea breaks, bacon sandwiches and trips to sunnier foreign climes.

Paul Martin is @ukcameraman on Twitter.